*Plus Method #1 - Progressive Waiting (aka Graduated Extinction, The Ferber Method)

First, an introduction… 

When parents are expecting their first child, they may have some ideas about how they will raise their children. Until you’re in the thick of it, however, you may not realize how many decisions that entails!

What about sleep? You may think, “I’m going to bedshare! I’m going to be there all the time for this little one because they need me! No crying happening here!” Or, on the other hand, you may say, “My baby is going to be a great sleeper; how hard can it be?”

But when you’re hitting that 3rd month and you’re exhausted, everyone is more than happy to share their opinion about how you should approach sleep….

• “Just put him in the crib and let him figure it out!”

• “We just let the baby sleep with us! We’re not ready to put her in her own room.”

• “Our baby is 2 and we still aren’t getting any sleep! Oh, well…that’s just the way it is.”

…. And that’s when you realize that all the information in the world is not going to help you figure out what is right for your baby in this moment! There are so many different approaches to sleep learning (or sleep training). How do you decide the best way for your family and your baby?

And this is why I do what I do! One approach may work for one family, and another family may find it difficult to implement. I bring a fresh approach to sleep learning, individualized for each baby or child I work with, that meets you where you are and helps you get to where you want to be with your child’s sleep!

Over the next few blogs, I will introduce you to the basics of sleep learning/training and all the methods I’m familiar with, so that you can understand the choices YOU have. And it really is your choice! If there’s not a problem, then don’t change. But if you’re at the end of your rope from lack of sleep, lack of couple time, and lack of any schedule, it may be time for a new approach!

Method #1 – Progressive Waiting (aka Graduated Extinction, The Ferber Method)

Progressive Waiting is one of the most well-known sleep training techniques. It was developed by Dr. Richard Ferber and took the US by storm in the 1960’s. (I’m pretty sure my mother used this method with my two siblings and me!)

The Ferber method departs from extinction training (generally known as Cry-it-Out) in one area: It permits parents to check on their children, but only briefly, and according to a strict schedule.

Parenthood is a rewarding journey, but it comes with its fair share of challenges, and one of the most common struggles is getting your child to sleep through the night. The Ferber Method, developed by Dr. Richard Ferber, has been a go-to approach for many parents seeking a structured way to help their children learn healthy sleep habits. In this blog post, we'll explore the Ferber Method and its application and look at some modifications that might make it easier to implement.

Sleep training a baby under the age of 2.5 years requires a thoughtful and gradual approach. The Ferber Method is known for its "gradual extinction" technique, emphasizing the importance of allowing babies to learn to self-soothe while providing minimal comfort at increasing intervals.

1.     Establish a Bedtime Routine

Begin by establishing a consistent bedtime routine. This could include activities like a warm bath, a massage, prayers, and/or a bedtime story. Routine helps signal to your baby that it's time to wind down and prepare for sleep. In fact, they love to read the same book over and over! Boring for us, great for them!

2.     Place Baby in the Crib Awake

The Ferber Method recommends putting your baby into the crib while they are still awake but drowsy. (I personally change this up. I want you to put your baby to bed awake and aware!) This helps them learn to fall asleep independently, a crucial skill for developing healthy sleep patterns.

3.     Check In at Gradually Longer Intervals

When your baby starts to cry, the Ferber Method suggests a series of planned check-ins at increasing intervals. For instance, check on your baby after 3 minutes, then 5 minutes, and gradually extend the time between check-ins. These brief visits provide reassurance without creating a dependency on parental presence for sleep.

4.     Avoid Picking Up the Baby Immediately

It's natural for parents to want to comfort a crying baby immediately. However, the Ferber Method encourages parents to resist picking up the baby at the first sign of distress. Instead, use soothing words and gentle touches during the check-ins.

4.     Consistency is Key

Consistency is crucial for the success of the Ferber Method (really, for any method of sleep learning!). Stick to the routine and intervals you have set, even if it's challenging at first. Over time, your baby will learn to self-soothe and fall asleep more independently.

The first night of Ferber training looks like this:

1.     Parents put their child to bed and then stay away for 3 minutes. If the child is still upset and crying/complaining, parent does a brief check. Picking up or holding the child is discouraged.

2.     Parents wait for 5 minutes, and if the child is still upset, they do another check-in.

3.     Wait times extend to 10 minutes, until the child falls asleep.

For each night that follows, parents gradually increase the time between check-ins. For instance, on the second night, parents might wait 5 minutes before the first check-in, 10 minutes before the second check-in, and 15 minutes before all subsequent visits. The third night would involve even more time between check-ins.

Is Progressive Waiting effective?

 According to scientific studies, extinction sleep training–including Ferber sleep training–is associated with the following positive outcomes (Mindell et al 2006):

*Children who complete training are less likely to throw bedtime tantrums.

*Children who complete training are more likely to settle down at night within ten minutes.

*Children who complete training are less likely to awaken their parents during the night.

*Parents who complete training report improvements in their own stress levels, mood, and interactions with their children.

In addition to these positive results, parents have reported improvements in their children’s daytime behavior, probably because the children were getting more sleep at night (Mindell et al 2006).

It is important to know that with Progressive Waiting, there is likely to be an extinction burst. An extinction burst is where crying/distress is more intense than anything parents have heard before. It’s like the child is saying, “Are you always going to respond this way? If I cry longer, will you come and get me?”

What I find in my practice is that the hardest thing for parents to do is stay consistent. Just about any sleep training method will work – if there is a consistent response by the parents. It’s just that parents find this method hard!!

Making Adjustments to the Plan

Because of these issues, I like to offer some adjustments to the Progressive Waiting Method.

Adjustment #1:

For one, I suggest using a ‘Pickup-to-Calm’ if the child has been crying with no signs of self-soothing for longer than 30 minutes. Sometimes a child just needs a reset to calm down; once they are calm, they go back in the crib. Will they start crying again? No doubt, they will. But after a reset, it usually does not last much longer than 15 minutes.  I have guidelines around using a Pickup so that it will not interfere with the learning process.

Adjustment #2:

Another example of an adjustment with this method is to allow parents to set the intervals as short as they want to, as long as there is a progressive movement toward longer times each night. As a baby learns how to fall asleep on their own, you can allow more time between checks. This allows the parents to offer more support during the initial implementation.

Adjustment #3:

Progressive waiting can be used in conjunction with other methods. For instance, I will often begin with a method that uses parental presence in the room for the first three nights, then switch to progressive waiting as the parents become more confident in their child’s ability to go to sleep with little support. Switching to progressive waiting generally speeds up the realization of the parents’ goals for their child.

Progressive waiting is not the right method for every family, but it is a valid option.

One caveat:  I find this method is less successful when used with a child over the age of 2.5 years, or when a child is moved from the crib to the bed. ( TAKE NOTE – I recommend that children be kept in the crib till 3 years old, when possible.) Hopefully, by the time your child moves to a real bed, they are old enough to understand what sleep rules are, what is expected of them, and they can take more ‘ownership’ of their sleep. There are better methods to deal with the issues arising around age 3 than a strict Ferber approach.

My goal as a child sleep consultant is to help YOU decide what method is the right fit for your family! There are so many options available! Let’s discuss what’s right for you!

Stay tuned for the next installment on sleep learning methods…The Pickup/Putdown Method!