Infant Insights: The Overly Tired Baby

If you’ve never been around babies much and you’re a new parent, newborn behavior can be mystifying. Why are they crying? What are they trying to tell me? How do I help them? Are they hungry? Tired? Bored? In pain?

What’s a parent to do?

If you’ve eliminated hunger (i.e., if they have just eaten or it has been less than 2 hours) and baby’s diaper is clean and dry, then my educated guess is they are either OVER-STIMULATED, OVER-TIRED, OR BOTH!

Tired Babies Don’t Know They’re Tired

But wait….If a baby is tired, won’t they just fall asleep?

Not necessarily!

·       Not all babies or children KNOW when they are tired.

·       Some babies experience trouble “winding down” in order to relax and fall asleep.

·       Many babies learn to depend on a parent’s help to fall asleep, and therefore also rely on parents to identify when they are tired.

·       Children often don’t want to “miss out” on anything. Many will ignore their own signs of tiredness and keep going.

The way in which we display tiredness changes as we age.

Babies DON’T show the same signs of tiredness as a child, and a child will not show the same signs of tiredness as an adult.

Misdiagnosed Tiredness

Babies’ tired signs are FREQUENTLY overlooked or mistaken as signs of…

• Gas

• Boredom

• Pain or discomfort

• Hunger

Below describes a RANGE of different behaviors babies (birth to 3 months) display when tired. Each child may show signs of tiredness in slightly different ways.

A baby of this age has very little control of her limbs. Her actions are controlled to a large extent by infant reflexes. (A reflex is an automatic or involuntary response.) Because of the influence of reflexes, young babies RARELY display the typical signs of tiredness we take for granted.

If a baby’s tired signs are overlooked her behavior will increase in intensity. Behavior commonly displayed in this age group to indicate tiredness, starting from more subtle to less subtle behavior, include….

• Fussing > whining >crying >screaming

• Glazed stare >looking away >turning head away >back arching

• Facial grimaces >red face >look of pain

• Clenched fists

• Flailing arm and leg movements (waving arms and legs about) >jerky, quick limb movements >violent kicking and waving of arms

• May seek comfort by sucking/feeding

A Couple of Items to Note:

Knees Up: Babies of this age usually pull up their legs when they cry for ANY reason. Knees up is not necessarily a sign of tummy discomfort.

Sucking: Babies have a need to suck even when they are not hungry. This is called non-nutritive sucking. Sucking helps them settle and center themselves.

This baby is way past tired!

What happens if these early signs are overlooked?

A baby’s temperament will influence how quickly and to what degree her behavior will escalate if her subtle signs of tiredness are overlooked. ‘Easy-going’ babies will often fall asleep without too much fuss. ‘Sensitive’ babies will slowly reach a level of being upset…and often very upset…by the evening when their level of tiredness is at a peak. ‘Irritable’ babies very quickly escalate to the point of distress when they become tired.

If a baby remains awake (or is kept awake) longer than he should be, his level of tiredness (sleep deficit) will continue to increase. Eventually he can reach a point where he is overtired. An overly tired baby often experiences great difficulty ‘switching off’ in order to fall asleep (even with parental help). Soon a vicious cycle begins, where the more overtired he becomes, the more distressed he becomes.

Without realizing what is happening, parents often mistake her distress as pain or hunger, and so keep her awake even longer, as they try multiple things to ‘relieve’ her discomfort. For an ‘irritable’ baby, this may further add to the over-stimulated state. Eventually baby can reach a point where she screams inconsolably for hours. After what feels like an eternity, she finally falls asleep exhausted.

How to Help Your Baby Stay Well-Rested

In the first couple of weeks after birth, your baby is going to pretty much just eat and sleep. Your main responsibilities are to rest and recover from childbirth, keep everyone well-fed, and to hold and bond with your baby.

Once your baby starts to wake up to the world around them (around the age of 2 weeks), life can get interesting! All of a sudden they are crying more and you have to learn to read this new way of communicating!

You are probably able to pick up on the routine of eating and sleeping (read this previous blog post). Now you need to observe your baby while they are awake and learn to pick up on those EARLY CUES that indicate they are getting tired and/or over-stimulated. (See the list above.)

Photo Credit Caskey Photography

But is there a way to avoid all the crying?

There is no full-proof method to avoid all crying. Babies cry! However, there is one way I have found over the years in my role as a postpartum doula that has helped lots of parents avoid the overtiredness that can creep in.

You will read lots of advice that tells you an 8-, 6-, or sometimes even a 4-week-old baby can stay awake for 60-90 minutes. I actually believe that this is where the problem lies. The babies I have worked with seem ready for sleep around the 45-minute mark, especially during the first half of the day. As the day wears on, their ability to stay awake may increase. However, overstimulation starts to play a role, and some babies have just had enough and need to rest!

I suggest making a note of what time your baby wakes in the morning (write it down! you’ll forget!), add 45 minutes, and aim to have your baby in their sleep space 5-10 minutes prior to that time. Try it! It certainly won’t hurt!

Over time, you will see your baby extend those wakeful hours to about 60-90 minutes. Just remember that every baby is different, and some babies may be extra-sensitive to overstimulation and overtiredness. When in doubt, offer your baby the opportunity to sleep first!