Sleep Learning Method #3– Gentle Sleep Training with Parental Presence: The Sleep Lady Shuffle
This blog is third in my series on Sleep Training (Sleep Learning) Methods. You can find the previous posts here and here.
The Sleep Lady Shuffle is sometimes referred to as “Sleep Training with Parental Presence” or the “Chair Method”. Today I'll dive into this moderately-involved gentle sleep training technique, explore adaptations for your family, and provide you with valuable insights to help your little one develop healthy sleep habits.
Understanding the Sleep Lady Shuffle
The Sleep Lady Shuffle is a sleep training method created by Kim West, a licensed clinical social worker and sleep expert. This approach focuses on teaching your child to self-soothe and fall asleep independently while minimizing distress and crying. It's particularly appealing to parents who want a gentler alternative to the Cry-It-Out method or the Ferber method (periodic checks).
The Sleep Lady Shuffle works best for ages 6 months up to 6 years old. I am covering the details for ages 6-18 months. If you’re really interested in implementing this method on your own, I suggest that you buy the book and pay particular attention to the section dealing with the age of your child.
The Sleep Lady Shuffle Step-by-Step:
1. Preparation: Before you begin, ensure your child's sleep environment is safe and conducive to sleep (i.e., dark room, white noise, cool). Set up a consistent bedtime routine to signal to your child that it's time to sleep. (I suggest getting that in place ahead of implementation of your sleep plan.)
2. Bedtime Routine: Bedtime routine can be 3-5 steps that generally take about 15-20 minutes. You can include things like putting on pajamas and a sleep sack, feeding, reading a book, singing a lullaby, or any calming activity that helps your child wind down. I recommend feeding take place as close to the beginning of the routine as possible, especially if your little one tends to fall asleep while feeding!
3. Place Your Child in the Crib Awake: It is key to the Shuffle - and to any form of sleep learning - to put your child in the crib when they are still awake. This allows them the opportunity to figure out how THEY want to fall asleep. To learn the skill of self-soothing, your child needs time to develop that skill.
4. Stay with Your Child: On Nights 1-3, sit in a chair right next to the crib. If baby cries or fusses, you can stroke or pat intermittently, tapering off by the third night. An occasional pickup-to-calm is okay if your child is extremely upset , but you don’t want to interfere too much with the learning process. I suggest a pickup after 30 minutes of non-stop crying, but not before! As your child begins to fall asleep, sit next to the crib.
5. Gradual Movement Towards the Door: On Nights 4-6, move the chair about halfway to the door. You can still make soothing sounds (shh-shh or sleep mantra) but stay in the chair as much as you can. Occasionally getting up to pat is okay, but don’t be surprised if doing so increases crying once you stop. (You may find it easier to refrain from doing any touching at this point.) On Nights 7-9, move the chair to the door but keep it inside the room. On Nights 10-12, move chair outside the door. This gradual retreat helps your child become more independent in their sleep.
6. Frequent Check-Ins: If your child becomes upset, it's okay to provide reassurance. However, each night aim to extend the time between check-ins, allowing your child more time to self-soothe.
7. Consistency is Key: Stick to the plan. Write it out so there is no confusion between caregivers. Consistency is essential for your child to learn the new sleep routine.
Adaptations for Parents Who Struggle with Crying
One of the most significant concerns for parents using the Sleep Lady Shuffle is the fear of letting their child cry. While this method is gentle, some parents may still find it difficult to be in the room and listen to their child cry.
If crying creates anxiety in you, and you’d rather offer MORE support, here are some ways you can personalize your approach and still continue sleep training. Keep in mind that extra support will lengthen the time it takes for your baby to learn to fall asleep on their own.
Adaptation 1 - First 3 nights, offer lots of touch.
Begin by sitting right next to the crib so that you can offer lots of touch. Pat, stroke, comfort your baby as much as you want to without picking him/her up unless crying is constant for 30 minutes.
For Nights 4-6 introduce intermittent touch, gradually decreasing the amount of touching. Continue with plan after Night 6 in the prescribed way.
Adaptation 2 - Soothing Techniques
Incorporate calming techniques that your child responds positively to, such as gentle humming, playing soft music, or offering a comfort object like a stuffed animal (when age-appropriate). You might find your voice is what calms your child. Use it! Once they are calming down more easily, decrease the amount of talking or singing.
Experiment with different methods to discover what works best for your child and provides them with a sense of security.
Adaptation 3 - Extend the Timeline
If you find that reducing your presence too quickly causes more distress than you’re comfortable with, slow down your movement away from the crib.
Listen to your child's cues and adjust your pace accordingly. However, keep in mind that getting hung up at any one position longer than 3 days forms a habit. And you will be having to break that habituation each time you move.
The Science Behind the Sleep Lady Shuffle
The Sleep Lady Shuffle is grounded in the principles of gradual sleep training and responsive parenting. Studies have shown that responsive sleep training methods, like this one, can help children learn to sleep independently while promoting emotional security and attachment. [Smith & Mindell, 2017.]
Still Feeding at Night?
If you’re not ready to give up all nighttime feedings, I recommend that you schedule the first feeding at the first wake-up after midnight. By age 6 months, babies can go about 5-6 hours without a feeding at night. Commonly, you can expect an additional feeding 3 hours after the ‘after-midnight’ feeding.
Gradually eliminating feedings is much easier for everyone. Once baby has learned how to put themselves to sleep, you may see the length between feedings stretch out all on their own! If not, I can walk you through a gentle weaning process.
Tips for Success
While implementing the Sleep Lady Shuffle, consider these additional tips for a smoother experience:
Stick to a Consistent Schedule: Consistency in bedtime and nap times helps regulate your child's internal clock.
Create a Calm Sleep Environment: Ensure the room is dark, quiet, and at a comfortable temperature for sleep.
Be Patient: Every child is unique, and progress may vary. Be patient with your child and yourself throughout the process.
Seek Support: If you're struggling or feeling overwhelmed, reach out to me at Stargazer Sleep Consulting or a support group for guidance and encouragement.
Conclusion
Sleep training with parental presence, as exemplified by the Sleep Lady Shuffle, offers a gentle approach to help your child develop healthy sleep habits. Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all solution, and it's essential to adapt the method to your child's needs and your comfort level as a parent.
By providing a secure and nurturing sleep environment, gradually fostering independence, and responding to your child's cues, you can help them learn to sleep peacefully through the night. Your child's well-being and your own are equally important, so choose a method that aligns with your parenting philosophy and values.
References:
Smith, A. R., & Mindell, J. A. (2017). Pediatric Sleep. In K. L. Luyt, T. R. Nichols, & J. G. M. Howland (Eds.), Handbook of Pediatric Behavioral Healthcare: An Interdisciplinary Collaborative Approach (pp. 173-188). Springer.
